praise song for backup

happy birthday maddy allison

i guess this is where i tell you that i believe in god. god as in divine creative intelligence, god as in sovereign love, god as in friendly cosmos, god as in black expansive universe, god as in unspeakable, unknowable, the Mystery of this large silly life.

this god laughs at our attempts to prove their existence, but if i did need evidence, i think it would be the people they’ve sent me, the awe i experience at this green (and blue) earth, my wonder at what all these people have chosen and made and offered across time.

this god witnessed me going through life sans sib for two years, ten months and twenty eight days, and they saw enough, said it can’t go on like this. send the reinforcements.

and the reinforcements came: maddy. (or i suppose they sent her nine months before, i don’t exactly know how these things work). she got to earth less than 2 hours. GOOD MORNING, I’M HERE! a force to be reckoned with.

a few days in to her stint at Smiles Day School, my parents asked the teachers how it was going they said she was running the place. they had started calling her the mayor.

i don’t know how or why one of our ‘make believe’ games as children was therapist (lol), but something in us knew we would need to be prepared to talk through all of the shit, about all of the people.

no one fills me with more unspeakable rage, and no one has taught me more about grace and acceptance. i know what it’s like to be seen and believed, and to have to tell the truth because she Can Tell. i know what it’s like for someone to love me through my antics and bullshit.

no no no, god said, you won’t be doing this life alone. chucking while saying can you imagine under their breath. (like ok, we get it).

sunbeam-pink-haired maddy. heart-outside-of-her-body-warming-you maddy. eyes-probably-filled-with-tears-for-feeling-it maddy. pop star dance-n-bouquet-because-beauty-makes-us-bigger maddy. one more time from the top, like you mean it. she means it. welcoming-babies-to-earth-and-looking-their-parents-in-the-eye maddy. laughing-so-hard-we’re-silent maddy. precise-and-expansive-compliment-giving maddy. it’s the ferocious joy. it’s the deep down tenderness. it’s the walking away from her feeling a little taller.

thank god for backup.

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if you’re in the NYC area, i’m hosting a show THIS FRIDAY! What Else? Comedy Toward the Solidarity Economy - we will laugh a lot and ticket sales go to the Cooperative Economics Alliance of New York City. Come! Or pass it on!

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